Tuesday, January 3, 2012

We (could) have (had) it all

There's been a lot said about public nursing moms lately. There's been the Target nurse in, Kasey Kahne, and don't even get me started on this judge (Inappropriate? You can take your inappropriate and stick it up your inappropriate).

I am a vehement supporter of breastfeeding, whenever, wherever it is required. Most states have specific laws that allow women to do just that. I am so SO grateful that I live in a state that is very clear that a woman is 100% allowed to breastfeed in ANY location, public or private. It is illegal to move, berate, or otherwise harass said mother. I hope that someday we can live in a country where no one, not even dickhead NASCAR drivers, bat an eye at a breastfeeding mother.

And yet. Have I done my part to raise awareness and encourage NIP? The more often that babies eat in full view, the less taboo it becomes. I know this, I believe in it...and I've never actually done it.

It used to be that I wasn't perfectly comfortable with BFing yet. We didn't have the rockiest start, but it wasn't the smoothest either. At first, it was because I was using nipple shields and I still (still!) am. I didn't think I could figure out the logistics of feeding a baby and having the shield and doing it without having to trek the boppy around. But now I could probably swing it if I had to. I just...haven't. The one place I did that was semi-public was the pediatrician's office, tucked away in a comfy rocking chair, next to the bathroom.

Even then, I eyed the bathroom, wondering if I should just go in there and then mentally kicking myself for having such backward wrong headed thinking. But since then, nothing in public. And I don't know if it's because I don't particularly like confrontation, or if I am actually ashamed of the idea of exposing myself.

I feel like I can't afford to be embarrassed, that I have to advocate for breastfeeding and that actions speak louder than words here. I know that all of the responsibility doesn't rest on my shoulders, but If I Don't Who Will and "be the change you want to see in the world" blah blah blah. GUILT. Also FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS. It doesn't help that I'm also a total homebody who prefers her house to any mall/theatre/strip club.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I think I'm going to have to get outside my comfort zone on this, maybe even force the issue by going somewhere far enough away that I have no choice but to nurse. I actually ended up writing a lot more about the subject than I expected.

NEW TOPIC. I am always eleven billion years late to the party and I am also a snob about everything so sometimes stuff takes a while to matriculate through my skull but I just got around to listening to some of Adele's stuff and it's pretty damn good. Especially her hit, Rolling in the Deep. I like it because it's sultry, angry, passionate, soulful. And then there's the refrain, "We could have had it all." That really made me think, what is the "all" she could have had? Love? Marriage? Kids? A good life? And I realized that's what I've got. I've got it all. I'm in paradise and loving every second of it.